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| Merry Christmas everyone!
Again, I'm disappointed with how I celebrated Christmas this year... for the longest time Christmas just hasn't felt like Christmas to me. In the past it may have felt this way possibly because it wasn't a white Christmas, but in the past few years it's just become a new kind of low. For instance last year for some reasons which I'm not going to bother explaining at this moment.. my cousin and I got in a fist fight that killed the entire mood of the party. This year due to the recession in the American economy, our family decided not to give out present this year. In the more joyful Christmas memories that are left in the past, my family would celebrate the holiday by inviting a ton of family and family friends and throw a huge celebration that included not only a grand feast, but also a variety of fun and enjoyable activities. We would hold talent shows, mini competition games in which the winners get to choose one gift from the pile, and lastly everyone would hand out the gifts to everyone. Christmas definitely used to be my favorite holiday, but I'm not sure if it's due to me being more grown up now or some unknown reason... nothing just feels 'right' any longer. Instead of the festivities lasting throughout the night, this year people ended around 10:00 pm.
On a happier note, my sister announced that her bf Bill and her are now engaged! How crazy is that?? My world is spinning... I used to think that I would be the first of the two of us to get married... for some reason. I hope everything will work out for the best, and I'm glad they are finally taking the next step in their relationship.
On a even more exciting note.... my girl is coming from Taiwan in less than ONE week! She's arriving on New Years Eve at 2:40pm... and the time couldn't pass by any slower... Actually, I really need the time to prepare for the trip... and her presents... etc etc. I'm filled with all sorts of emotions that seem to contradict each other... I'm feeling so excited but at the same time I'm nervous as heck.. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I haven't been with her in 4 month and some change, and although we are so great together and constantly talk, I can't help but worry about when I actually see her again. Will I run up to her and give her a big hug and kiss? Will I stand there dumbfounded and in total awe? Will our feelings change? I think it's going to be great... I'm only really dreading her departure and I can't help predicting my future... the crushing feeling in my heart as I watch her plane fly away from me on January 10th.
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| ...是我可以跟了解她. 我應該怎麼做才對? 長度交往真的不簡單... 看不到我們以後的未來也不簡單... 我真的好象回到我 十八歲 的我...
老天拜託你給我答案
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| I can't believe I'm writing in Xanga again... ********* is a horrible influence! beware of slowly being sucked back into xanga the more you talk to her/him.
Anyways, this was just something I wanted to jot down... I seem to have a thing of always taking good care of others while not taking very good care of myself. For example, I would make sure my sick friends/gf is taking medicine if they are feeling feverish but when I'm feverish, I won't bother taking the medication. This goes on in many different ways... I just always seem to put others as my priority whether or not I'd pay a price for it. The result is that those people I try to take care of always worry about me...
When will I finally learn my lesson? That I ought to put more balance in my life for things to function properly... I am being very vague here, I know. There is a lot I wish I could improve in myself... I wish I could just be a better person overall. During a cruise around Taiwan, I had the chance of seeing two shooting stars while I was lying on the deck stargazing and chillaxing in the middle of the night... I feel so stupid now... I kept on trying to think of what I should wish for whether it be love, wushu, money, world peace... (i know right?) and I ended up giving it up because I took such a long time in deciding what to wish for (there's gotta be a time limit right?). Well if I had the choice again, I think I would simply wish for me to become a better person.
I like to reminence a lot by reading over my past xanga entries... it's comforting knowing that I lived quite a teenage life... maybe it's not too interesting... but I can tell that I have grown up by quite a lot since I was 16 years old. There is a whole lot of silly everyday stuff, a whole lot of cheesy entries, a whole lot of emo entries, and several deep and touching entries. I kind of wish that I had a time machine so I can go back to my old self and slap him and tell him that things will be okay. I have a feeling that I'll be writing a similar entry when I'm in my late 20's... check back in a few more years 
Whenever I pass on *knock on wood*, I hope that I'd have the opportunity to look at how my life has influenced those around me... kind of like in the book, The Five People You Meet In Heaven. I want to see the results of my decisions... not just from my point of view.
Hehe... hopefully this whole writing in xanga again won't be a trend... Back to studying! *bloop*
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| It's ironic how I was meaning to write this entry's title as "Changes".
I've mentioned this in one of my previous entries, but I think one reason why I stopped writing in xanga all these years has to do with me not having much confidence in my writing skills. Right now though, I'm just going to ignore all of that... this entry is more for my future self to reminisce than for any other xanga readers.
So this is me... not caring (too much) if this entry will flow beautifully.
Why is it that I always get the urge to write an entry when I really don't have time to afford? Exams is this week and next week and I'm pretty far behind in studying. Actully, I blame Elizabeth for forcing me to read her xanga which in turn got me curious to see what the last entry I wrote was.
Life really does seem to be accelerating more and more each year.. anyone else feel that way? It kind of scares me how I'm already 22... I feel like I should be an adult by now, but inside I still think I'm 20... confused and unsure with how life is going to turn out...
My last entry "Changes" was meant to be a lot longer and more interesting... expalining how life has changed quite abruptly for me and how it effected me. I never got around to it... and it seems pretty strange now that I'm planning on writing this entry as a sequel to my previous entry. Well, better now than never right? I'll give the digested gist.. my ex and I broke up a year ago after dating almost 2 years. In all honesty, I'm confused with whom broke up with whom... because I was the one who told her that something was wrong in the relationship and that I wasn't happy. I only told my close friends about this.. but other people told me a different version of how she broke up with me.. so I'm just confused. Either way, a break up is a break up and it can effect a person's entire life.
Compared to my first breakup with Cindy, I think the break up with Rachel was by far easier... I think part of the reason is that I've arleady accepted for a long time that it wasn't meant to be. Either way... the after affects really got to me. I really felt jaded of the concept of Love. I really couldn't believe that it could work out forever. For about a year, whenever my friends who were in relationships would go out on dates (which I obviously wasn't invited), I would always tell them that "i hate couples"... and though it wasn't completely true (since I love them and wish they will work out), I was still incapable of thinking that relationships at our age would work out.
After that breakup... was a really confusing time in my life. It was my first time in about 3 years that I was single and the experience felt incredibly unfamiliar. Ironically, a couple of friends mentioned to me that I should cherish the time I was still single... haha. Who says that? The truth was, I wasn't happy with myself... I wanted so much to improve as much as I could of myself before I met anyone else. I wanted to improve my temper, control my jealousy... all those quirks. I'm not sure if I've made much improvement... but I will find out soon enough.
After every relationship... no matter how badly it turned out, I belive that you always walk away from it with a lesson. All in all the lesson provided is there to help you figure out what you believe is necessary in your ideal relationship. A teammate once told me that if you were to date 12 different girls seriously (not at once of course)... by the 12th, you would surely find your wife.
This is a poorly graphed entry.... bear with my thoughts... going off in tangents.
我只要簡單愛.... I just want simple love
I'm finally done with the entry "Changes" and now I'm going to FINALLY write this new entry.
Life really does continue to surpirse me. After my last relationship, I've been determined not to plan too far ahead of myself and to simply leave a lot of room for flexibility. There are so many unexpected factors that will throw your life upside down... I'm only starting to finally accept this fate. I wanted so bad to live my life day by day... to just "jump in the river and go with the flow". Well I did... a week or two before last semester ended, Eugene convinced me to go to Taiwan for a summer internship at my uncle's financial firm. I really have a lot to thank of both Eugene and Karen... I've known them for so long and although we might not talk all the time, they have always unconditionally believed in me. Well I went to Taiwan for 2.5 months... and while there life threw a curveball at me...
I went to work at TSC, a securities company in Taiwan. The first day was pretty interesting.. I met a whole lot of people and within no time, I've recieved almost a dozen business cards. Being the only intern there (everyone there had their Masters) and not being able to read and write very well, I wasn't given many responsibilities... in fact the first day my coworker lead me to cubicle and told me to setup my MSN Messenger -__-v. The people there were all so friendly.. and the most noticable thing was that 80% of the coworkers around me were women!  . Another thing I should note that in TW, all the girls there don't look their age at ALL... they dress in a more youthful style (not saying slutty) and really take care of their complexion. Everyone there was so friendly to me.. and I met a lot of friends that I hope will KIT throughout the years. Most importantly however, this is also the place where I met my girlfriend...
Her name is 謝易蓁 (謝) and has the most amusing english name eleanore.. hehe. The first day we met I asked her why she chose Eleanore as a name and she replied that she got the idea from Gone in 60 Seconds... Eleanore was the name of the Shelby Mustang GT500 that was "unattainable" in the movie. Sadly I had to explain that in the states, the name "Eleanore" held the connotation of an old lady... or in my case, a horse's name. Either way, I still call her 謝 when I don't call her 寶貝. How should I describe her? Well... she is a little older than I am, she's about 2 years and a couple months older than I am. Some may think that this is really unconventional but you know what? In the end, age is just a number. There are an indefinite number of memories that I have of her that I could write down but I'll just write down the two that still make my heart ache when I think back upon it. It was one of our first few nights of dating.. and she asked me, "why do you like me?" and I really couldn't think of anything to say... (not so good on my feet).. either way, I asked her the same question back.. but instead of listing out a couple of traits, instead she told me how by just feeling our first kiss, she felt more passion and love from it than her ex she dated for 2 years. She told me alot more.. but i have a terrible memory.. but this one really touched me. For those who know me well, I like to pet girls heads like how you might do so with a dog... most of my friendgirls either take it cause they are so used to it, or they shrug me off. 謝 told me that she secretly really liked me patting her head because it made her feel loved and cherished... and for some reason, knowing that really touched me.. Another memory was acutally the last night before I was leaving TW.. and my dad's side of the family (whom I literally don't know.. only meeting them once or so 9 years ago) wanted to take me out to dinner but what that also meant was that 謝 and I wouldn't be able to spend much time the last night... I kinda jokingly asked her if she wanted to accompany me to dinner with my entire dad's side... and she acutally said yes with no hesitation. Any other girl I know would have freaked out from all the pressure (just started dating and arleady meeting 20 or so relatives??) and refused it. She told me her reasoning was because it doens't matter how awkward it will be, the important thing is for her to spend as much time with me before I leave.  .
We've been dating for a little over a month now dealing with the super long distance (12 hour time difference!), and although our future is so hard to realize at the moment with the age difference, the long distance, and the fact that we both have separate lives in our country.. I can't imagine not having her in my life.
I'm so fortunate to have found my 簡單愛.
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ARIES - The Aggressive
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight.
Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
GEMINI - The Twin
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good at confusing people... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Gemini's will not take any crap from anyone. Gemini's like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Gemini's can be very sarcastic and childish at times, and are very nosey.
Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
CANCER - The Beauty
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer's Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative Person, most's are artists and insane respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An Ultimate Freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare
Spontaneous. Not a Fighter, But will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to! 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy, but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. The do not forgive and never forgetThe one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... you might end up crying... Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Kinda dumb at times. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones will all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy. But when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet.
Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always
gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs especially Gemini's in sports. Likes to cook but would rather go out to eat at good restaurants.
Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind, loves being in
long-term relationships. Can be clumbsy at times but tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy, and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when their not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more then their familiy. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward
PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Messy at times and irresponsible! Smart but lazy. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. Lover of animals. VERY caring, make wonderful nurses or doctors. They always try to do the right thing sometimes get the short end of the stick. They sometimes et used by others and hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but need to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
OK here's the thing you cant send this to the person who sent this to you so good luck! the other hard part is that last one with this is the loser.
ready ........ set............ GO!
1-3 people= 1 minute of luck
4-7 people= 1 hour of luck
8-12 people = 1 day of luck
13-17 people = 1 week of luck
18-22 people = 1 month of luck
23-27 people = 3 months of luck
28- 32 people = 7 months of luck
33-37 people = 1 year of luck
38 and more = a very lucky life! | | |
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